WHEN: Monday March 19th & Monday April 2nd
TIME: 6-8 PM PST


INCLUDES: two workshops, a workbook, and month-long peer email support

When people are searching for what you offer, are you the first person that comes to mind? If not, this workshop is for you!

GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS will give you the insider’s secrets to:

* Get known as THE EXPERT in your specialty
* Be sought after by your ideal clientele
* Get more business without “selling”
* Earn more with less effort

Imagine having people write about you, talk about you and refer others to you. This is far easier than most people think. And, when people hear about you through a trusted source, they are 80% more likely to choose you.

During this two-part, action-oriented workshop you’ll learn how to take your businesses to the next level by becoming more well-known, talked about and sought after. You will walk away with the insider’s secrets for increasing your visibility and credibility so that clients are knocking on your door!

Please be advised: This workshop is not for the mousy, timid or uncertain. It’s for professionals committed to having an impact and ready to be seen and known…PUBLICLY.

• If you are a seasoned business owner or organizational leader who is passionate about what you do, GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS: GET MORE BUSINESS will build your clarity, conviction and confidence to get great recognition for your work.
• If you want to spend your time with clients rather than in marketing and networking meetings, GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS: GET MORE BUSINESS will show you how to spot and create connections that will bring the right clients to your door.
• If you want to distinguish yourself from the 1000s of others who are doing similar work, GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS: GET MORE BUSINESS is a personalized approach to gaining a strong reputation and following for your work.

What people are saying about this workshop:

“Thank you for providing the exact guidance that I was needing at this precise moment!”

“Thank you SO much. I greatly appreciated your offer to highlight some of the main points of your presentation. You’re information was immediately helpful”.

If you’re ready to GET KNOWN…don’t miss it! Feel free to pass the word, but please note, this workshop is designed for folks who are seasoned in their work and ready to take the next step.

Select option

Early Bird $179.00 USD After March 1st $250.00 USD

******************************************************
ABOUT CAROLYN

Carolyn has been working with visionary entrepreneurs and progressive Fortune 500 companies for more than 15 years. A sought-after international speaker and coach for such companies as Umpqua Bank, SBA, and the Arts & Culture Council, Carolyn is the author of Beyond Marketing! How To Create an Unstoppable Following and the forthcoming Beyond Leadership: 21 Secrets to Passion, People & Profit.

If you are ready to build a strong following or to lead with impact, I’d love to hear from you.

Contact me at 503-493-9497 or visit CarolynSCampbell.com.

This month’s focus is on engaging your audience. Whether you are preparing a talk, creating materials for your website, or meeting potential referral partners.

If you are like many of my clients…

~ Being interviewed can be unsettling.
~ Writing web copy can feel cold and impersonal.
~ Speaking before an audience can rattle your nerves.
~ Meeting with prospective partners can put you on edge.

Worry no more! Here are some simple starters for conversations, presentations and written materials. You can choose one to enrich a connection or combine several together for a presentation. I’ve included a couple examples for each to help you get started.

Here are five different ways to create powerful connections with your audience:

1. Make an inclusive statement (or question): To make a meaningful “inclusive” statement, it’s essential to know who your ideal client is. Once you know who you want to work with, consider incorporating a statement that starts with: “If you are like many…”

Financial Planner addressing an audience
“If you’re like many young parents, you worry: ‘Will I be able to help my kids through college?’”

Naturopath doing some outreach
“If you’re like many working moms—balancing work, children, and loving partnership—self-health is often last on your list.”

2. Use a statistic: Statistics offer proof. They generate credibility. Just remember, numbers by themselves often have no meaning without context that your clients, partners or donors can understand. Choose between making a direct statement or phrasing statistics in the form of a question (e.g. “Did you know that…?”) and keep in mind that presenting stats visually usually helps people understand them. Citing sources will give you additional credibility.

Social Media Expert speaking about the power of headlines:
“Studies show that 8-10 people never read the article, they just read the headline.”

Safe Sex Counselor talking about HIV protection:
“Did you know that women buy four out of every ten condoms sold?”

Green Cemetery promoting its services:
“Each year America’s 22,500 cemeteries bury approximately 1,636,000 tons of concrete…enough for a two-lane road between San Francisco and Phoenix!” (Here are some more facts about Ekone Ranch’s natural burial.)

3. Be controversial: Also known as “thinking outside the box”.

Activist for Orca Whales speaking against whales as entertainment:
“In the wild Orcas can live for 50-60 years. According to the Whale Research Center, two-thirds of whales in captivity don’t survive ten years.”

Australian Red Cross “bloodvertising” campaign: Click to view ad.
“In a provocative campaign for the Red Cross of Australia, M&C Saatchi created ‘bloodvertising’. It created quite a hubbub, and got a lot of attention due to its unconventional approach.”

4. Get personal…ask a question:

A Couples Therapist’s website:
“Have you ever found yourself not being able to let go of anger, even when you know your partner is sorry?”

A Consultant speaking to a group about leadership:
“Let’s get personal. Who here sometimes feel inadequate?”
“Who here feels that if you trusted your gut more, your team might be more effective?”

5. Share a success story. Keep it short and powerful.

A Presentation Coach talking to a prospective client:
“Last month a woman called me petrified about an upcoming presentation for a new product line. After a couple questions, it became clear…her challenge was creating connection so that she didn’t feel like an outsider. During our coaching session, we developed a few simple ways for her to build rapport with her audience BEFORE she started speaking. The day after her presentation she sent me an email. She was ecstatic. Not only did she have a huge crowd, but she had fun and sold more product than at any previous event.”

If you want to expand your credibility and visibility, take a moment or two to play with these simple starter ideas. Try them out. Start with ones that are easy. Jot down what you might say or use in your written materials.

Before you know it, you’ll have a pocketful of simple conversation starters, public speaking nuggets, and fabulous language for your website and articles.


THE FEBRUARY WORKSHOP IS SOLD OUT. SEE BELOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THE MARCH WORKSHOP.

When people are searching for what you offer, are you the first person that comes to mind? If not, this workshop is for you!


INCLUDES: two workshops, a workbook, and month-long peer email support

GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS will give you the insider’s secrets to:

* Get known as THE EXPERT in your specialty
* Be sought after by your ideal clientele
* Get more business without “selling”
* Earn more with less effort

Imagine having people write about you, talk about you and refer others to you. This is far easier than most people think. And, when people hear about you through a trusted source, they are 80% more likely to choose you.

During this two-part, action-oriented workshop you’ll learn how to take your businesses to the next level by becoming more well-known, talked about and sought after. You will walk away with the insider’s secrets for increasing your visibility and credibility so that clients are knocking on your door!

Please be advised: This workshop is not for the mousy, timid or uncertain. It’s for professionals committed to having an impact and ready to be seen and known…PUBLICLY.

• If you are a seasoned business owner or organizational leader who is passionate about what you do, GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS: GET MORE BUSINESS will build your clarity, conviction and confidence to get great recognition for your work.
• If you want to spend your time with clients rather than in marketing and networking meetings, GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS: GET MORE BUSINESS will show you how to spot and create connections that will bring the right clients to your door.
• If you want to distinguish yourself from the 1000s of others who are doing similar work, GET SLIGHTLY FAMOUS: GET MORE BUSINESS is a personalized approach to gaining a strong reputation and following for your work.

What people are saying about this workshop:

“Thank you for providing the exact guidance that I was needing at this precise moment!”

“Thank you SO much. I greatly appreciated your offer to highlight some of the main points of your presentation. You’re information was immediately helpful”.

If you’re ready to GET KNOWN… don’t miss it! Feel free to pass the word, but please note, this workshop is designed for folks who are seasoned in their work and ready to take the next step.

THANKS FOR YOUR INTEREST!!!

I AM SCHEDULING A SERIES FOR MARCH.
PLEASE DROP ME A NOTE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED. DATES WILL COME THROUGH SOON!!

******************************************************
ABOUT CAROLYN

Carolyn has been working with visionary entrepreneurs and progressive Fortune 500 companies for more than 15 years. A sought-after international speaker and coach for such companies as Umpqua Bank, SBA, and the Arts & Culture Council, Carolyn is the author of Beyond Marketing! How To Create an Unstoppable Following and the forthcoming Beyond Leadership: 21 Secrets to Passion, People & Profit.

If you are ready to build a strong following or to lead with impact, I’d love to hear from you.

Contact me at 503-493-9497 or visit CarolynSCampbell.com.

Regardless of whether you are stressed or joyous, ensconced in family drama or surrounded by friends, there is one thing about the holidays that everyone has in common. As one year comes to a close, we get the urge to make life different in the year that is about to be.

The resolution odyssey begins. We vow that we will lose weight, eat healthier, get in shape, be more organized…the list is endless. We are certain, year after year, that our resolutions will come true. We buy memberships to gyms and sign up for weight loss programs. (Oh, how they love this time of year!) We pop champagne and toast to the year that will usher in grand changes and new beginnings.

And then, within days (I believe it’s 13), our resolutions wither into the wind and we are back to eating and behaving just as we had before.

And each year we ask, “Why don’t resolutions stick?”

Here’s why and…how not to let it happen to you:

Our resolutions are typically impulsive desires to overcome our perceived failings. What’s missing is thoughtful consideration about how you would really like your life to BE, and doable actions to make it so.

What if instead of making hasty proclamations, you took time to imagine a life that honors your deepest dreams for a fulfilling and enriching life?

I call this the “WHAT IF…” Factor. Instead of correcting perceived failings, by using the “WHAT IF” Factor, you see yourself in your life in a way that truly honors you. Possibility creates Vision…Vision mingles with action…And, soon the “WHAT IF…” becomes real, life. SWEET!

READY?

Here’s your quick how-to guide to create powerful “WHAT IF…” results.

1. Start by writing down 5-10 “WHAT IFs” (include your personal and professional desires).

“WHAT IF I really did trust my gut more?”
“WHAT IF I had just the clients I really enjoyed?”
“WHAT IF I sought relationships that enriched my life, rather than filled time?”
“WHAT IF I asked for what I want rather than try to be what others need?”

2. Put them aside for a day. Then select 1-2 that ignite a deep desire.
WHAT IF I worked with clients who inspire and challenge me to be my best?

3. Take a walk. (Or lie still. Or dance.) What’s important is that you put time aside to be alone with your “WHAT IF…” Begin to imagine what your life would be like if you really honored that vision. How would your life be different? How would your work be more fulfilling?

Get ready, the answers might surprise you. You might discover that some people may not be very happy with your choice. You might realize that you could make a lot more money for much less effort. You might realize that you have beliefs about the possibility of making money by working with people you enjoy.

Let the thoughts roll through. Let your WHAT IFs stew their brew.

4. Now, choose 1-2 that you will commit to.

I am resolute in my commitment to work ONLY with people who inspire me.

5. Create action-steps to make that happen.

Personally: What part of your Self do you need to honor more fully to make your commitment happen?

…I will write down 10 people/organizations who really inspire me. I will research their company and determine how I can benefit them.

Bravo, you have begun!!! INTENTION + ACTIONS = Your vision is no longer just a wavering dream…it’s got some gusto!

6. Start now. Don’t wait for the 1st of the year to start. You can work out some kinks and modify as needed before falling prey to the post-new-year let down.

7. Create a support team of other committed RESOLUTERS. My suggestion: Choose people who are successful in their achievements, and who understand that real change takes time. They will push you to be the best you can be while holding compassion for inevitable stumbles along the way. (Or, work with a coach. Better yet, do both!)

8. With each success, however small: CELEBRATE!!! This is the most underused ingredient to success. We can be so consumed by the push to achieve, that we forget to acknowledge the baby steps it takes to create our dream. And, believe me, any sustainable vision is created by zillions of baby steps.

9. Toast the new year for all the mystery and magic it will bring. It will have surprises that even your “WHAT IFs” can’t imagine.

10. And my favorite… Each night go outside and talk to the stars. Share your dream with them. When you make a pact with the universe, magic happens.

INTENTION + ACTION (& CELEBRATION) = SUCCESS. “Tis true.”

******************************************************
CAROLYN’S SERVICES

Carolyn S. Campbell has been working with visionary entrepreneurs and progressive Fortune 500 companies for more than 15 years. A sought-after international speaker and coach for such companies as Umpqua Bank, Regence Life and Health, SBA, and the Arts & Culture Council, Carolyn is the author of Beyond Marketing! How To Create an Unstoppable Following and the forthcoming Beyond Leadership: 21 Secrets to Passion, People & Profit.

If you are ready to build a strong following or to lead with impact, I’d love to hear from you.

Contact me at 503-493-9497 or visit CarolynSCampbell.com.

One of the most curious moments this year came when I was working in a prison in Africa and noticed three women had on the same T-shirt. On the front it said, “Are you a Diva?”

“Are you kidding me?” I thought. “Diva? These women are in the pits of hell.”

When one of the women turned around, I saw the back of the shirt: “Be a DivaPreneur!” It made me laugh. “Really? Here? In an African prison?”

Curious, I asked one of the women about it. It turns out the business department of one of the most prestigious universities in South Africa had offered a class on entrepreneurship to women inmates. AMAZING! I thought how cool it was to be giving tools to help these women employ themselves in a country where jobs are scarce. Quite progressive, if you ask me.

That day, staring at their T-shirts, I couldn’t help but think, “All women should be DivaPreneurs.” (And, yes, all men “DivoPreneurs.”)

The challenge is that too many people think of a Diva as a negative thing, often using the term as a real insult.

The word comes from the Italian noun “diva,” meaning a female deity. It actually describes a woman of outstanding talent. I love this! Because I believe that it’s time for us to allow ourselves to stand out and be seen and respected for our talent.

So, when I got back from Africa, I brought this concept to my Women Business Owners group. The group is filled with doctors, therapists, writers, consultants, and creators—women who are carving out their own paths in the world. I asked them to think about the word D.I.V.A. as an acronym and fill in a word for each letter.

I was amazed how different each acronym was. One woman wrote “Divinely Inspired Vixen of Audaciousness.” Ah, and so she is! Someone else’s was “Determined Instigator of Vision In Action.” True to form, that’s exactly what she does. Each set of words matched the most potent power of that person—and precisely what she seeks to create in her business.

In a culture that misconstrues what Divas really are, here’s what I believe: The true Diva is someone who holds on to the integrity of who she is. She no longer strives to be the person others want her to be. I call it the ULTIMATE SELF-HONOR. There is a liberation that occurs when you begin to just BE—trusting your Self, owning your gifts, and letting your boldness come through in whatever way it will.

As the business owners started to talk about how these qualities could show up more in their lives, the next stage of Diva-dom occurred. They shared how their Divas wanted to let go of the constraints of living small and start being in their power.

One woman started laughing as she realized just how ludicrous it was to place such limitations on her own possibility. She suddenly “got” just how amazing her work was. Another woman sighed, seeing how much she had been restricted by her perceptions of how others might judge her. One by one, they relaxed—yes, relaxed—right into their most potent way of being.

They saw that if they just allowed their “D.I.V.A.” to lead, their lives and businesses would actually be more easeful and vibrant!

So as this year comes to a close and you begin to think forward, take a moment and write your own D.I.V.A. acronym:
D___________
I____________
V____________
A____________

Now, think about these questions:

• How much of your D.I.V.A is leading your life?
• How much of your D.I.V.A. is leading your business?
• In what ways would she like to show up more?
• What beliefs do you need to let go of so that she can?

And if you really stepped into your D.I.V.A., how might you begin to step into your life and your business in a new way?

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CORE SOURCE COACHING SERVICES

Carolyn S. Campbell has been working with visionary entrepreneurs and progressive Fortune 500 companies for more than 15 years. A sought-after international speaker and coach for such companies as Umpqua Bank, Regence Life and Health, SBA, and the Arts & Culture Council, Carolyn is the author of Beyond Marketing! How To Create an Unstoppable Following and the forthcoming Beyond Leadership: 21 Secrets to Passion, People & Profit.

If you are ready to build a strong following or to lead with impact, I’d love to hear from you.

Contact me at 503-493-9497 or visit www.CoreSourceCoaching.com.

As I write this newsletter, I am flying over the Atlantic Ocean, heading back home after two powerful weeks in South Africa. The plane is darkened so everyone can sleep for hours and hours—it’s like flying through a black hole of time. There is an odd stillness. I hear the hum of the plane, people snoring, and the sound of my breath. No longer where I was. And not yet where I will be.

In 1986 I was a Peace Corps volunteer near South Africa at the height of the anti- apartheid movement. It was a powerful time. I hitchhiked to Johannesburg to hear Bishop Tutu speak, marched through townships protesting the killings of teenagers, and saw some of the most potent theater I have ever experienced. I even watched the coronation of the young king of Swaziland. My job: a community development specialist working with village women struggling to get by while their husbands worked in some of the most dreadful jobs in South Africa. I was young and naïve. As I reflect back on it now, I find it extremely presumptuous that Peace Corps would have a 25-year-old kid from America telling women how to develop their lives. (And, I must say, I learned so much that I still use today.)

Now, speed forward almost 30 years.

On this recent trip, I had a first-hand look at how the “community” has developed. My journey took me from the beauty of the Cape Town seaboard to the prisons of Johannesburg, where I joined a colleague who creates “theater of life” with imprisoned women around the world.

As I worked with the women in prison, it reminded me of a belief I’ve held since I was an undergraduate studying education, recreation and criminology. What I learned then and what I still see today is that when we don’t live our purpose and our deepest passion, one of two things happens. We either act out against others or we go inward and become destructive toward ourselves.

In Africa, where the unemployment rate is 46 percent and racism is rampant, opportunities are slim and abuse is beyond comprehension. I listened to the stories of these young women as they shared their fractured lives so openly. For many of them, jail is a safe haven from the brutality of their lives. But they had in common the desire to be loved. To be seen. To value themselves. And for others to have faith in them and push them forward.

As I fly back home, I think about their struggle in comparison to the challenges we face here. Our struggles revolve more around finding the courage to stand for what we believe in. Risking failure. Believing in the value of our work. Connecting with others who seek what we offer.

In this age of transformation, it takes guts to really own your stuff. To know what moves you so that you can be more present with others. To be a leader from the inside, asking questions even when you’re not sure you have the answers. Because, the truth is—no one does.

As I talked to people from all parts of the globe, one song kept running through my head. “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”

One evening as I was walking back to my lodging in Johannesburg, I noticed a sign someone had painted on a wizened gnome: “It isn’t the ones who are the smartest who will succeed, but rather those most able to adapt.”

So true! Those who succeed will be the ones committed to their vision and courageous enough to be part of changing the voice of leadership in the 21st century.

Being a leader today doesn’t mean being the president or being the best marketer. It means having a strong conviction for what you offer. It means knowing where you fit in the equation of life and choosing other leaders to partner with. And, most importantly, it means being ready to stand for what you believe in, for those you serve—again and again.

As I return from my two-week journey that took me a lifetime away, here are my questions for you:

• What do you stand for, without question, in your business?
• Who is on your “team” to push you forward and remind you of your greatness, even when you are in doubt?
• How ready are you to be judged, criticized, or even rejected?
• How aligned is your message style with your personality or the personality of your business?
• And, finally, is your passion for your work greater than your fear of failure?

Because the guts of glory lie in the willingness to fall in order to fly.

********************************************************************
Carolyn S. Campbell has been working with visionary entrepreneurs and progressive Fortune 500 companies for more than 15 years. A sought-after international speaker and coach for such companies as Umpqua Bank, Regence Life and Health, SBA, and the Arts & Culture Council, Carolyn is the author of Beyond Marketing! How To Create an Unstoppable Following and the forthcoming Beyond Leadership: 21 Secrets to Passion, People & Profit.

If you are ready to build a strong following or lead with impact, Carolyn would love to hear from you.

When it comes to growing your business, nothing beats business by referral. And yet, so many people struggle with creating enriching and productive referral partnerships.

This week, I posted a question on Facebook: “Just wondering… What if it wasn’t about marketing or leadership? What if you simply reached out to your most favorite folks in the world and built a community? What would you do differently?”

Interior designer Chuck Arbuckle commented: “Seems they reach out to me as much as I to them… it’s about caring enough to ‘care.’” I’d been searching for the right words for weeks and here they were: “caring to care.” Perfect. And for those of us who don’t have endless time, tons of money or the desire to do pushy marketing, this approach is the best approach.

Much of my business success has come from referrals—and here are some of my best tips for giving and getting great ones. Remember, when you build relationships that are based on a common purpose and shared values, amazing things begin to happen. This is the beauty of referrals.

PART 1: GIVE Great Referrals

As a business owner or leader, giving your clients and colleagues great referrals is so important. They will begin to trust that you are really looking after their best interests rather than your own.

1. Find out about the person needing help.
Ask questions so you can provide them with the best possible resources.
Examples:
“A couple of folks come to mind. Can you tell me what you’re looking for?”
“Yeah, the photographer for your young family has to be a special person. I have a couple people in mind—do you have a wish list?”

Then provide them with the name(s) and why you think they would be a good fit.
Example: “I love Madeleine Eno as a writing coach. She has this soft yet solid way about her. She’s able to capture your style of speaking while making you sound really professional.”

2. Follow up with person you gave the referral to.
Call the person in a week or so and find out how well they were treated. Without this call, they may not tell you. Take the steps to make sure your community feels well cared for by you.

3. Follow up with the person you referred them to.
Let your colleague know that you’ve sent someone to them. If you “qualify” folks before you make a referral, the likelihood that they actually call your colleague improves exponentially.

PART 2: GET Great Referrals (Be More Than a Business Card)

1. When you’re considering a potential partnership, ask yourself:

• Do you resonate with this person—personally and professionally?
• Do you have genuine interest in and respect for their work?
• Are you just trying to get business?

2. Take time to create a relationship. Share with each other:

• What you do.
  There are a million and one massage therapists, CPAs, coaches, clothing stores, etc., out there, so make sure you clarify what your specialty is.
  Example: “I am a real estate agent specializing in complex residential transactions.”
• What kind of people you really enjoy working with (and, no, it’s not “everyone”).
  People hire people. It is most helpful when your referral partner can state what you do and who you love working with. Yes, this will eliminate some people. That is great, because it will really excite others. It might take some thinking to get to this kind of clarity—but this is a critical step.
  Example: “I love working with visionary entrepreneurs and leaders who want to create an unstoppable following for their work.”

3. Follow up by sending a handwritten card to the person who referred you.
Shoot them a quick email before sending the snail mail. People so rarely get personal mail and your note will really brighten their day. Tell them what you liked about the person they referred to you.
Example: “It was so great to meet with Joe. I love his commitment to his business. He‘s just the type of client I love. Thank you for sending him my way!”

4. Periodically send a personal note to your best referrers.
Keep them posted on what you are doing and how they are helping you. It’s important to stay on their radar—remember, you’re not necessarily at the top of their list. And, I promise, they will love hearing from you in a non-sales-oriented way. Maybe a family-style letter, maybe an invitation to a special event. What the communication looks like depends on you and your community. The crucial thing is simply to stay in touch.

And here’s my biggest secret of all: When people KNOW you are working in service to the greatest good of all, they can’t help but refer you!

**********************************************
Carolyn S Campbell has been working with healing practitioners, visionary entrepreneurs and progressive companies for more than 15 years. She is a sought-after international speaker and coach for such companies and organizations as Umpqua Bank, Regence Life and Health, the Small Business Administration, and the Arts & Culture Council. Carolyn is the author of Beyond Marketing! How To Create an Unstoppable Following and the forthcoming Beyond Leadership: 21 Secrets to Passion, People & Profit.

Last weekend my mother passed away.
Many might think I should feel a great loss, but honestly, I feel relieved and, well, released.

I do honor her spirit and that a life has passed. And, I am part of the tribe of motherless children; people who don’t really have ‘mothers’ even when their mothers are alive. As I quietly disclose this to others, I am astounded by the number of people who’ve had the same experience but are ashamed to say so in a culture that reveres mothers. Truth be told, my mother gave more love and affection to strangers than she did to her own children. Not only did she not give the love I witnessed other mothers give, but she did unthinkable things that I still find unspeakable. On some days, ‘not enough’ was an understatement.

Last fall, when my father asked me to come back east and help him after surgery, he didn’t mention that my mother was in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. He would laugh and say she was ‘memory challenged’. When I arrived it was clear—she had no clue who I was. She treated me as a visitor with kindness and care, humor and affection. She shared stories of her mother and husband (my father) and even let me hold her in her hospital bed one day when she was scared. It was such a beautiful experience to know that my mother did have love within her. At age 53, I fell in love with my mother in ways I never could as her daughter.

Today, after her death, I started thinking, “What if we really aren’t enough? What do we do then?”

I thought about the other side of her story: the story of a woman who lived with indescribable fear from the haunting memory of her father’s death. At age nine, she went to a friend’s house the day after Christmas. While she was there, her father died suddenly. She was sent to ‘play’ with other families over the next few days, having no clue what was going on at home. When she finally did go home, her father was dead and buried. Gone. My grandmother, a widowed, single woman, struggled to survive and make a life for the two of them. This experience changed the way she would live the rest of her life.

Amazingly, my mother finished college, and married my father. Pictures of her after graduation radiate sparkling joy. She really thought she could achieve her dream of having a ‘real family’. The truth, though, was that she was so determined that her family look a certain way that she didn’t know how to shift with the erratic changes of family life. When she couldn’t meet her expectations and found herself, yet again, not enough, she would tumble into deep despair and frightening places.

For years, I have struggled with my place as a motherless child. With her passing, reality caught up with truth. And, surprisingly, an honoring occurred. I sent off the spirit of my mother knowing that she really did the very best she knew how.

Each day she fought her fear and anxiety of never being enough. Most days, the fear won. But through it all she really did try. Her embattled attempts at order helped me gain understanding for others lost in their own confusion. Her outrages taught me how to sit with others’ fear and rage and not be scared. In a world crippled by the inability to face the rough truths of life, this is a wondrous gift. Plus, she gave each of her eight children the determination to be their own person and give back to the world in gratitude. (I think we were all so thankful that the world was not as tumultuous as our home that gratitude came easily!)

Over the last months, I watched her become increasingly unable to mask her fears. It forced me to see my own faults so much more clearly. Quite honestly, some days felt like a hall of mirrors. It has made me see the ways in which I’m not enough. I don’t have enough patience. I’m not as kind as I might be. I’m not as socially engaged. When I try to be enough, whatever enough is, I get more stressed and anxious. I’m realizing that we just might not be enough. And perhaps we should stop trying so hard.

Today this Rumi poem felt like a riddle and a declaration: “Apart from what we wish and what we fear may happen, we are alive with other life, as clear stones take form in the mountain.”

It made me think about my mother’s unceasing struggle to be a ‘good’ mother with a ‘respectable’ family. In her desperation to be enough, she lost the ability to ask for help and get the support she needed. And, even more importantly, in her attempts to be what she wasn’t, she lost the joy of what she was—an amazingly insightful, funny woman who knew what you were thinking before the thought even hit your brain. To that part of her, I say, “Thank you for these gifts you passed on to me.”

For the rest of us, my invitation is to stop striving to be enough. We have our failings. We have our gifts. What if you’re not enough? So what! Let go of control. Instead, focus on the bounty of what you are. The more you try to be enough, the more you may lose the best of what you already are, and the love you are here to share.

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As a coach, I am honored and humbled to be invited into the hearts and souls of my clients. I feel privileged that they trust me with their dreams and their fears—helping them navigate and transform their fears of not being enough, of being unworthy, of not fully trusting themselves and their way in the world.